Tinder Scheme

Imagine if I had a dating profile. Me!
 
Bio:
‘Yello, my name Abeny but you call me Aby.
I am a 29-year-old Nyan refugee from South Sudan.
I am currently seeking refuge in Dharawal Country. 
I can cook mula kombo ke kisara/asida sometimes.
I may be worth 150-300 cows depending on my families mood.
In fact, charges may rise if I actually finish my Masters. 
Not to mention all the allokthok, henna, etc.
Anyways, hit me up if you are interested.’
I wonder if that’s too many characters for Tinder?
 
Anyways, going for 150-300 cows isn’t too bad, 
I remember how Brain proposed to Sarah with a 3.18 carat diamond ring worth $50,000. 
That’s only equivalent to 100 cows. 
I remember how they wedding cost about $100,000 with just 100 guests? 
That’s equivalent to everything: henna, allokthok and a reception at Grand Paradiso. 
 
Don’t worry. I’ll cut costs if I get matched.
My match and I won’t pay for invites.
A Facebook post will do. 
My 400 cousins will share it. 
Trust me, just pay the cows, it’s an investment.
If I ever get matched and get married. 
He will be marrying, my mother, my father, my uncles, my aunties and my twenty plus siblings.
They do not speak English. 
So future husband, if Dinka is not your ancestors’ tongue, my brother learn please. 
 
I am pretty sure with a Tinder profile like that 
I will end up with Channel 7 covering my profile 
as part of African Apex gangs scheme milking Australian taxpayers’ money.

This poem was produced as part of a series, published in partnership with Sweatshop: Western Sydney Literacy Movement. Editorial support for each poem published in A Sweatshop in a Red Room, has been provided by Winnie Dunn.