Rituals

I open the door, hand resting on the frame as a chill travels to the front of my legs

my back hunched into a C

could it be

you can answer my plea

Help me find something to…               eat.

White bright lights fill the space inside my fridge.

Concert stage beams spotlighting meals that are too heavy, 

snacks that take two steps or more to assemble

… a single carrot

that stares blankly back at me.

Open and shut, open and shut

a robotic choreography.

Arms build stamina, posture

compressed by gravity

metal hips holding steady

while thoughts and appetite wander.

My eyes are aimless,

a faulty camera’s attempt to autofocus

capturing a blurred landscape, 

retinas call out I have not blinked for eternity

So then we play a game

where I disappear for 3 minutes.

In that time I return to my computer, cursor blinking

offended I left it speaking mid-sentence.

A soul stuck in limbo, writing mind drifts in and out

knees tapping away, eyes glazing over vowels and consonants

as thoughts stick to your edges like magnets.

Failing to leave this relationship, I come back

opening the door, hand resting on the frame

wishing you would be different this time

don’t know why I’d think

your contents would be different this time.

I never learnt good coping mechanisms

ways to work on procrastination

with a path outlined with glowing incandescence 

I find my way back to you.

Eyes scanning up and down,

down and up

analysing each and every expiring sauce

dried cheese sitting neglected in the side door

lemongrass paste only used once

now a brown blend of discarded paint water.

open and shut, open and shut

open an-

BEEP! BEEP! 

Fridge 

Erupts into a frenzy,

Fury resounding walls, reflecting back my statue still frame 

like being caught naked, exposed through bad decisions.

I endure the firing line of complaints, 

that they work long hours, the least I could do was stop cold air escaping.

Reluctantly,

I uncurl myself upright, joints creaking

Wiping off dust collected.

People in self-help talk about resilience,

Now’s the chance to exercise it.

I farewell the fridge door a final time,

thinking not of what I’ve lost but what I’ve gained

life lessons learnt from this escapade

I turn towards

the pantry.