Humbug
By Rozanna Lilley
The report of the
Inspector of Nuisances
was laid on the table
together with his resignation
later he sought solace
at a race meeting
cheering as Larrikin was run off by Fraud
His hammering heart skipped
straight past the finish line
to the Ovens District Hospital
where Joseph Ryan (Kelly sympathiser)
lay alongside Constable Keane (Kelly catcher)
their broken legs not drunk
but only plastered
In the operating theatre
Dr Moussé amputates
a miner’s finger and thumb
at the bottom joint –
the sail needle used to
scrape out a dynamite cap
melted in the blast
Ragtag remains no comfort
to the callow counter-tenor
so crossed in love
he swallowed croton oil
wideawake wondering
if he will ever scale
such joyous heights again
At visiting time
a murder of ladies descend
clutching gilt-edged minion bibles
clasping ecumenical hands
O give thanks unto the Lord
let the wicked forsake his way
and death and hell delivered up the dead
Filing out in evangelical formation,
they leave behind
a half-bound Job
a sticky handful of boiled lollies
and a crumpled betting slip
that fell from an inseam pocket
a testament to humbug folly
Notes on the poem
The resignation of the inspector of nuisances was reported in the minutes of Wodonga Shire Council, published on Saturday 1 March, 1879 in the Ovens and Murray Advertiser. On 4 March, the same newspaper reported that Larrikin was run off by Fraud in the Victoria Racing Club autumn race meeting. The account of Joseph Ryan and Constable Keane both ending up in the Ovens District Hospital with broken legs (in unrelated incidents) appeared on 27 February, p.2, under the heading “SINGULAR ACCIDENT”. On 1 March, p.4, the same newspaper reported the accident of a miner named John Lerth, residing in Hillsborough, who was sent to the Ovens District Hospital after experimenting with a dynamite cap. It included details of the amputation performed. On the same day, p.5, the newspaper mentioned the attempted suicide of “a young fellow” from Colac who was “crossed in love”. The ”murder of ladies” takes its cue from an account of women from the British and Foreign Bible Society, Beechworth Branch, collecting subscriptions (27 February, 1879, p.3). The biblical quotes used were sourced from Reports of the British and Foreign Bible Society, Volume 65, Parts 1869-1870.