Howzat

for Chris Pettett

Caughtbowledstumpedrunoutlegbefore!

Filmed with floosies in the raw,

though hardly breaking any law,

behold, entrapment's holy grail:

one charismatic, horny male!

As tabloid winds fart forth their gale

(though if one's itemised as queer

he's left alone by New Idea

and may as well be Germaine Greer)

with cyber-zap they'll tap your chat

you middle-aging toyboy brat

who never gets enough Howzat!

(It helps there's living in your house,

whose bum is great, whose tits are grouse,

one most forgiving, faithful spouse.)