Boyd Cordner
By Brendan Cowell
This is a poem called “Boyd Cordner”
About
Boyd Cordner
Who is?
Boyd Cordner
I hear you arx, pacifically
What do we know about
Boyd Cordner. We know
Boyd Cordner
Has always been tall
Boyd Cordner
Has always been bald
Boyd Cordner
Has always been great
Boyd Cordner
Has always been 28
He started playing at 28
He came to prominence at 28
He peaked at 28
Retired at 28
And he is still 28
What an age
What a player
Captained The Chooks, NSW, and Australia
Chops you down like a lawn mower
He is seriously, the most beautiful tackler, you have ever seen
He leads with his shoulder, his legs swing out to the side, severance
Born in Taree
Star sign Cancer
The crab who always moves sideways
Boyd Cordner moves every fucken way
He will go to Prague if required
If he’s gotta make a tackle, he will do the 27-hour flight, for his team
Just to make a single defensive effort, Boyd will fly to the Czech Republic and back, and then suffer the 14 days quarantine
He is Boyd Cordner
The modern-day Steve Waugh
He is Boyd Cordner
And if there was a proper war
And the enemy were firing missiles at our heads
And my fellow soldiers were either full of dread. Dead
Or recently diagnosed with influenza, typhoid, trench foot or trench fever
Well me, Brendan Cowell, in my woollen uniform
Heating up the billy tea – but turning blue with cold – after being shot
Shelled. By an army of Melbourne Storm…troopers. All at once
I wouldn’t hesitate
I’d just yell two words
To the western front
I’d just yell
‘Boyd’
Then I’d yell
‘Cordner’
Then when he turns I’d say ‘Boydy, it’s Brendo, I met you once at a mental health talk at Fox Studios. One of my mates was running it.’
And he’d say ‘Oh yeah, can’t really talk, at war.’
And I’d say ‘Boyd Cordner. No dramas. You got any water left in your canteen?’
Because I’m dying of thirst and blood loss and hypothermia setting in
And you know what Boyd would say
Boyd Cordner?
Bleeding from the eye and lice, he has lice, but he didn’t tell anyone
He just fought on with the lice
He’d say ‘what?’
And I’d say ‘water’ again. But louder, and more desperate. ‘WATER!’
And he’d say – Body’d say – he’d just say
‘Nup.’
Because he leads with actions not words
He’d say
‘Nup, no water Brendo. Not in my canteen.’
And you know why Boyd Cordner has no water left in his canteen?
Because he already gave it to a bloke with scurvy
He gave it to Tom Trbojevic
Who has scurvy
Tom Trbojevic and his brother Jake Trbojevic
They both have scurvy, and the other brother, who isn’t as good yet
Also has scurvy
The Trbojevic brothers
Get scurvy every time they go to war
Cant believe it – so unlucky
Doesn’t stop em though!
That’s Manly. That’s…manly
Boyd Cordner
Hottest girlfriend ever
Though just to be more of an individual. Boyd Cordner
Can still be seen shirtless in waterfalls having fun with other men
Shirtless
In waterfalls
With other men
Ikuvalu, Taukeiaho, Tedesco, The Morris Twins
He loves to go to waterfalls with Jake Friend
And why wouldn’t you
If you were
Boyd Cordner
The selfless Cameron smith
Boyd Cordner
Noggin took a hit, staggering round can’t see, fingers crossed no CTE
Boyd Cordner
Too tough for your own good
Boyd Cordner
Would have played on if he could
Boyd Cordner
Loves his dad, because his dad - before every game - said you’re the best
Boyd Cordner
What beats within your chest
Before every game he played Dad said ‘Son’, Dad said ‘Boyd’, he didn’t have to say Boyd Cordner because Mr. Cordner was a Cordner too so its implicit
He just said ‘Boyd’
‘Son’
‘You are the best’
Boyd Cordner
The big game booster
Boyd Cordner
Cock a doodle do – hope your heads alright - brave rooster