Time on Hold

as I grow up
I understand the things
I did when I was young
had a big impact
on the people around me

I am here to apologise to you my loved ones

I should not have done many things
I am sorry for times I caused my family to crash
I thought I was right 
now I know
only God cannot be wrong

I am here to apologise to you my loved ones

my smile quickly faded
when I saw how your hearts broke when I left
I bled inside and my eyes turned red
no tears in my veins
I saw sadness

I’m here to apologise to you my loved ones

I struggled to breathe
because of how you cried for me
I was too blind to see
the pain you hid
your faces did not lie

I am here to apologise to you my loved ones

please know this is coming from my heart
in this moment my whole life has changed
I can notice right and wrong.
I am sorry for all the nights you could not sleep
as you were sick with worry

all the times you did not hear from me 
you silently grieved
I was chasing my goals
I saw future 
the desire to thank
my sweat

I am here to apologise to you my loved ones

now I realise 
everywhere is home
but family will be the piece of the puzzle
that I miss
daily

I am here to apologise to you my loved ones

now I see a different sun set
my life is on track
everything I have been through
remind me of all the advice and proverbs
you used to share through our chats

I am here to apologise to you my loved ones

 confusion interrupts my ways
I walk with a frown
I walk with smile
I want to be free from 
I want to live my life

I am here to apologise to you my loved ones

I have to deal with different cultures 
different ways of solving problems
I know the evil will try to win
but I will keep my positive side
right and left will always need each other.

I am here to apologise to you my loved ones

at one point I thought all my life drained away
I am the judge
I can take my pain to court
I do not know who to blame
I wish I could go back to the past

I am here to apologise to you my loved ones

I would like to try to walk your tracks
but freedom is not walking free
it also means peace 
mentally and physically
especially for me

I am here to apologise to you my loved ones

dear God forgive me
if I committed many sins
I will be strong
there is alot to come
I still need to learn