So Much to Be

There is so much to do! I feel as if I can't do anything. There is so much to see, I get scared and close my eyes. There is so much to be, I withdraw and take my time. There is so much to feel, but now I just feel shy. You see, there is so much to do and see, I am not just simply me. They always say you are how and what you do. So if I do nothing, am I worth nothing to you? 

If there's a god in the sky, and a brain in my head, and muscles in my thigh, does it matter what I do, just simply to you? If I work hard and accomplish my dreams, then why are there second chances? If I live in my head and stare out the window, then why am I here? I always put things off. Just never the most important thing. If I become all I want and do as I wish will you and I be happy? If I'm always thinking then when will I learn?

That there is so much to do with all of this. Where do I even start? Life is short and mostly a lot of fun, but how would I know if I never go? If I never change, and I never grow? Well then how will my life go? What will I feel? Will I feel any different? Hypothetically, for a second, if my dreams did come true. Would I finally stop, stop. STOP. Look around and wonder, is it me that is worth all the labour? Because I feel and doubt, and I cry and sob too. Then what am I to do?

Why do people care about what others don't? Why does everyone have a purpose, their 'why'? Why don't I have mine? Why am I lost for answers? Well, I don't know. Why do I hurt when all this is for me? All for that dream. Why do I care so much, if I can't even explain, or begin to describe this beautiful pain? What is the thing that keeps me going? The thing that is there above everything else? Above my dreams. And my ideas and hopes and creations? Above my aspirations and all that is lost. 

There is so much to do, so much to think, so much to feel, and so much to see. But what I fear most of all –

'There is too much that I can, but never will be.'