Every morning I am reborn
By Eloise Grills
Every morning I am reborn, must reteach myself to function, must learn
Tiresome tasks that always need to be redone
That are in their doing unlearned and undone
Like Jesus dragging the stone from the door only to be required to attend tedious course after course on proper wound management
I stare into the mirror, my eyes pour out of my face like two freshly torn bags of sand
I drag my toothbrush across my teeth, willing myself to do it for two more seconds, three
Pulling it across like the heaviest ever chain on a chainsaw
Like it might come to life tear me right out of my body out of this room out of this
most mind-numbing Texas chainsaw massacre of all time
Every morning and every morning and every morning
And every morning after that
How to love oneself if one is just a lousy piece of shit?
How to find radical self acceptance if you are just radically unlikeable?
How to give in to the immense unfriendliness of the universe
If you are a privileged white woman who just needs to shut the fuck up
Every morning
A huge crane drives itself into an endless pile of dirt
And nothing shifts
Every morning
The light throws itself against the powerlines and the apartment blocks
And some of the night stays, lingers in their shadow