Beauty

The comments are nice
The guilt is not
It took years to believe
“You are so utterly beautiful I wish you saw yourself as others do.”
But the human brain is wired to seek out the things
That we deem not normal

Side looks and judgy eyes were all I seemed to notice
I am so sick of this constant wallowing
Of the expectations held against me

It took years to realise
That I do not have to follow their rules

It was when I didn’t eat for weeks
My hair falling out
The dip between my thighs and my hips
I looked for others in the hope that maybe it was okay
But all I found were ways to hide

This is not what I want
I lay at night wondering why I chose to stay in this feeling
When I realised
I can change
Not my body but the way I look at it

I show the most intimate parts of myself
In the hopes that others will see
I cut myself open and spewed my guts out
To show them that it is okay

I cried my most ugly cry
Laughed my ugliest laugh
To remind them that we are beautiful
Because god knows we do not tell ourselves enough

It takes the brain 21 days to build a habit
Most people quit before a week
We wonder why we let this get to us
But I show you that there is so much beauty in not being beautiful

It took me 13 years to feel beautiful
And although it comes in sparks
Little bursts when I reassure myself in the mirror
My flaws tell the most captivating story

So I show of the most un-beautiful parts of myself
In the hopes that you see the beauty in yourself
It took me 13 years to feel beautiful and I don’t regret one bit