I know it ain’t supposed to be. But I hurt the ones who get close to me


I ask that you pity not this deflated soul.

For when this lonely world has taken its toll


I will return to a starlight that shines bright in the night sky

Or maybe a madman shilling my own luxuries to all passers-by


I shall return to orange brown and grey like a cold winter’s day

Or to a summer breeze, cooling a flushed red cheek


I account, that beauty surrounds me with each aching breath

Yet when I embrace the morning sun

All that I am, is awaiting death


I must confess another sin,

I fear my friends are blowing in the wind,


As the tree sap dries I hold on to the lies

The fear the anger the hurt the pain


I remained trapped in my broken heart

And fear that forever, I will remain, the same



Note: This poem was first published in Admissions: Voices within Mental Health (Upswell Publishing, 2022)

The aim of this project is to share lived experiences of mental health via poetry. Therefore, some of the workshop content may potentially trigger some readers. If you require mental health support or assistance, you can call the Wellways Helpline plus a list of free confidential 24/7 support lines can be found here. You are not alone in your journey.